HOLY SHIT THESE ARE 5 YEARS OLD AND BAD

If you were an exile from your home planet, where would you go? Some may go off to find a new planet. Others may move into one of those space apartments that seem to be getting popular lately; however, those are the normal people. What about the strange people, the ones who were exiled for less-than-normal reasons? What do they do?

They move into a house inside of a pocket dimension, of course.

This pocket dimension is where our story begins. This previously mentioned house floats in a black void, its utilities unconnected yet still functional. It doesn’t seem like much. It’s a one story house made of brick, with only two windows. It’s rather bland, with seemingly no aesthetic appeal. Seems like a dreary place to live.

Suddenly, a loud crash emanates throughout the pocket dimension. What was that?

Inside the house, a large cat is fuming. Its fur is grey, and its small eyes are blue and seem perpetually angry. It wears a black T-shirt and jeans, along with a pair of goggles adorning its forehead. Oh, it’s also good to mention that he is bipedal.

“Why did he leave his mallets in the floor like this? These are his only pair!” Exclaims the cat-human. “Where is he, anyway? Aweegee!”

His cries echo off of the walls, giving the whole place a creepy vibe.

The cat sighs. “Oh, he could be anywhere. I put too many rooms in this house.”

The cat-man begins to walk down the hallway, talking to himself.

“There are a few rooms he’s really likely to be in, I’ll start with those.”

As he walks down the hallway, he passes many rooms. He passes by rooms 112 to 127 without stopping, and then he gets to room 128. He knocks on the door. He then realizes that knocking won’t work because of the soundproofing Aweegee recently installed. He guesses that’s for the best; he doesn’t want to have your ears blasted off.

Somehow, the werecat uses his paw to open the door. A wave of sound washes over him, tossing him backwards. That new bass drum is amazing. Perhaps too much so.

The werecat picks himself up off of the ground and pushes through the bass to get into the room. Once inside, he shuts the door to stop the echoing and dampen the sound.

The room is covered wall-to-wall with foam, and that’s no small feat. The room is large enough to fit two drumsets, a piano, a gong, two marimbas, one of which is a crystellophone, a xylophone, a glockenspiel, a snare drum, multiple practice pads, and multiple stick bags. There are also a few pairs of sticks hanging up of the wall, along with a cymbal clock.

The cat-human put his paws up to his mouth as if he was attempting to amplify what he was saying. Unfortunately, his attempts were futile, because the figure playing one of the drumsets was drowning out all of the noise other than the drums.

Instead of calling out to him, the cat-person went up to the drummer and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Aagh!” screamed the drummer, falling out of the chair. “Serp? You can’t sneak up on me like that!”

The drummer was tall and thin, with a head of brown hair that pokes up in the front. His eyes were blue. They were completely a pale blue. In fact, they glowed blue. He wore a white T-shirt under a green plaid overshirt, and a pair of blue jeans.

“If you don’t want me sneaking up on you, then maybe you should use the drumset that faces toward the door instead of away from it,” retorted the cat-human, evidently named Serp.

“You have a good point,” Aweegee replied, “What did you come in here for, anyway?”

“Oh yeah. Did you happen to leave your mallets on the floor somewhere? Perhaps in the hallway?” Serp inquired.

Aweegee pondered this for a moment. “Not that I can remember, no.” He eventually answered.

“Well, you did leave some mallets on the floor, right outside of my lab,” corrected Serp.

“Oh. Did you bring them?” Asked Aweegee.

“No, I didn’t bring them. I stepped on them when I walked out of my lab, and then they broke,” Serp snapped.

“You broke my mallets?” Gasped Aweegee.

Serp was getting exasperated. “Yes, but it wasn’t completely my fault. You left them outside my door.”

“You should’ve been watching your feet!” Aweegee pointed out.

“How am I going to watch my feet all the time?” Serp fired back.

“You just pay attention! You already look at your feet when you walk,” Aweegee countered.

“Yeah, well… ugh, this is going nowhere,” Serp gave up, “The point is, we need to go buy you some new mallets.”

“Where are we going to get new mallets? We’re banned from all planets in the system,” Aweegee indicated.

Serp had an idea: “We’ll do a heist.”

Aweegee was not convinced. “We’re doing a heist. A music store heist. Are you serious?”

“Yeah, it’ll be great! We’ll sneak in there, grab some mallets, and sneak out,” Serp described.

“That was rather vague. We’ll need a plan if we’re really doing this,” said Aweegee.

“You’re right. We’ll have to come up with one. Let’s go.” Serp dashed out of the room.

“Wait, right now? We’re going right now? Alright.” Aweegee followed.

Aweegee followed Serp through hallways that twist and turn, that circle back on themselves, and to up and down. Eventually they reached Serp’s room, Room 12.

Once they got in, Serp pulled out a large piece of paper and rolled it out onto a table.

“Alright, so which universe should we go for? It has to be one that;s easy to infiltrate,” Serp began.

Aweegee went over to the computer in the corner of the room and searched in their database of universes.

“Okay, we have quite a few here.”

“What are they like, technology-wise?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, how easy is it to take down their security cameras and stuff? Give me a comparison to something.”

“Alright, most of them seem to be rather advanced. They have about the amount of technology that Gum's planet had,” Aweegee read.

“Psh, that's it? We'll just go to one of those then,” Serp said.

“What do you mean "that's it"?” Aweegee asked. “I thought they were pretty advanced.”

“Perhaps compared to your species, but in most universes, that's the average. Anyways, let's plan.”

About an hour later, they had a plan formulated. As they boarded their ship, they went over it.

“So, you’ll go in first, then I’ll go in five minutes later. You’ll look around at their selection until I get in there. When I give you the signal, you’ll know that the cameras are off,” Serp told Aweegee.

continued, “Right. Then I will find the light switch and flip it, taking us into total darkness; however, we can see because of my eyes and your cat night vision. Then we’ll sneak over to the mallet section, grab the mallets, and get out of there.”

“Alright, let’s go.” Serp said enthusiastically.

They loaded up into the ship and flew out of the pocket dimension. After a short space-bending faster-than-light flight, they stopped on the planet’s surface.

There wasn’t much around, mostly oceans with a few islands, one of which had a town containing a music store. The two of them landed near it and walked through the town to the music store, passing gas stations, robotics shops, and a homeless person selling “100% pure exotic matter,” though Serp was pretty sure it was just some slime.

Once they got to the music store, they began enacting the plan. Aweegee walked in, leaving Serp to loiter outside for a few minutes.

Inside, Aweegee gawked at the sheer amount of cool musical items they had in the store. They had synthesizers, brain-to-sound music makers, and even an accordion. Aweegee had always wanted to learn the accordion, but had never gotten around to it.

After five whole minutes of Aweegee staring in awe at the selection of items they have in this store, Serp walked in. He made it look like he’s just walking in there to look at the selection like Aweegee was, but Aweegee knew that he was actually proofreading his program in his brain. Aweegee was amazed by the things Serp’s species managed to make before Serp happened to them.

Serp pulled out an old-fashioned aluminum smartphone and takes a picture of an instrument. The signal! Aweegee crept over to the light switch he saw previously and flipped it.

The clerk at the counter yelled out in surprise.

The whole store went dark, except for a pair of glowing blue circles in the corner of the store. They moved around the store for a few minutes, and then walked out.

The clerk was quick to call the authorities.

Serp and Aweegee moved quickly through the streets of the city, trying as well as they could to avoid law enforcement; however, their attempts were futile.

On the outskirts of the city, as Aweegee and Serp speed-walked the final stretch of sidewalk before it cut out to rocky beaches, they heard the blaring of sirens. Serp turned to see two police cars driving up the street, lights flashing and sirens blaring.

“They found us. Run for the ship!” Serp yelled at Aweegee.

The two of them broke into a run, trying to put as much distance between them and the police as possible.

One of the officers pulled out a megaphone. “Stop running and we won’t have to do this the hard way.”

Serp and Aweegee, of course, kept running. When has threatening to ‘do something the hard way’ ever made a difference?

The police accelerated, quickly catching up with Aweegee and Serp. Aweegee was grabbed by the collar of his shirt, and Serp’s tail was grasped to prevent him from escaping.

The cops, not knowing how to handle part-humans, cuffed Aweegee and Serp to the doors of their cars as they called the department to ask about the procedure.

Aweegee looked at Serp and motioned to the cars. Serp looked confused for a second, and then nodded. The two of them hopped into the cars, started them up, and drove off towards the beach. The police officers stood on the sidewalk, staring awestruck in the direction of the escapists. A message came through one of the walkie-talkies.

“There are only two people who match your description, but those two are criminals across all of existance. They wouldn’t be robbing a music store. Are you sure those are the two you have?”

Once they made the short trip back to their ship, Aweegee and Serp had a small celebration for their successful heist. It consisted of a few shrieks of triumph and high fives. They then piled into the ship and flew back to the pocket dimension, mallets clutched triumphantly in hand.

The End

…?

Back on the island, the governing officials were in a frenzy. The police force had just sighted two of the galaxies most wanted criminals, and the whole planet was now on high alert. No one really knew what those two were wanted for, but it must've been something big.

The island’s best minds worked together to find their ship in the night sky, but no one found it. Eventually they sent out a signal to all nearby inhabited planets: Galaxy’s #3 and #4 Most Wanted have been spotted. Stay alert.

Within a week, galactic authorities were on the trail of the music store robbers, and they were getting closer each day...

Our story begins on a boat named Constellation, in one of the seas of Earth...

“Good lord, is the ship gonna hold up Serp? We must be goin’ a good 70 miles a minute!” yelled the ship’s captain, Aweegee, who was currently a bit preoccupied and had his second officer, who happened to be an anthropoid cat, Serp, piloting the vessel.

“Well what would you suggest? We can’t go any slower or they’re going to catch up!” screamed Serp.

“Just be careful with ‘er!” Aweegee replied, shooting another random projectile at their pursuers. This one seemed to be a barrel of large amounts of white phosphorus, considering the immediate flare of fire and the following blanket of smoke. One down. Luckily, the flashing lights could be easily seen through the thick, white fog. Next to be hurled by the captain’s trebuchet was what appeared to be a harpoon gun, a much better weapon. Another set of lights disappeared beneath the smoke.

“Why can’t the Astropolice leave us be fer a bloody second?” said Aweegee, through gritted teeth.

“Would you give up the pirate talk already?” Serp said, frustratedly,”We’re not even real pirates! And besides, those movies were centuries old.” A light on the control panel suddenly went blue. “Mac! take the wheel for a second. I’m about to turn on the tunnelers.”

“Sure thing, laddy!” replied Mac, another being on the ship.

“Good lord, not you too! Now is not the time for bullcrap shenanigans; may I remind you that we are being hunted?” Serp fumed as he ran to the control deck. He threw a lever. Suddenly, a large blue portal appeared at the bow of the ship, and disappeared with the stern.

Their pursuers, the Astropolice, would have been baffled by this, if not for the fact that these three have evaded capture for many years. Three others, their accomplices, were already in custody. It also helps that they are emotionless robots in flying police cars. Robots can’t feel baffled, everyone knows that.

The ship slowed to a stop in an entirely new place. This was a place between universes, not quite a universe of its own. It was known as The Pocket. Here floated a small brick house with a wooden boardwalk poorly constructed beside of it. The three exited the ship at this house.

“All right, what all did we manage to get this time?” Aweegee asked. “I scavenged 2 and a half cans of soup.”

“I got a few loaves of bread and some apples.” Mac said.

“I got 8 cartons of eggs.” Serp added. The other two stared at him. “What? I really like eggs.”

Aweegee gathered himself again.”Well, this should last us… a week? Possibly less if we’re not careful.” The group carried their spoils into this house, walking through a foyer that was quite obviously too big compared to the outside of the house, then down a few hallways to a kitchen in room 612. The room was barren from food, but not appliances. There was a toppled refrigerator, a microwave, an oven, a small pile of toasters (many of which seemed unused), and a few appliances that would be too difficult to describe to any human. Serp opened the fridge, and the food was put in it.

“Alright, stand back for a second.” Aweegee said. He then seemed to give intense focus to the refrigerator, and his light blue monochrome eyes began to glow. Slowly, ice formed around all sides of the appliance, stopping at the door, where he then fell to the floor in a heap.

“You alright?” Mac asked him.

“Yeah… using magic is just… still … really tiring.” Aweegee replied.“Just … give me a few minutes.”

“Hey, I’ve almost got the repairs for the fridge done.” Serp said. “Then you won’t have to create ice as much.”

“Nice…” Aweegee said, right before passing out. Serp then started on his way to his laboratory room, and Mac dragged Aweegee to his room, dropping him in a chest freezer labeled, “AWEEGEE’S BED.” in poor handwriting. Mac then set off for his own room.

After a few minutes of walking, he arrived at the door to his room. It easily stood apart from the rest, marked by the abundance of ivy growing from under and around the door. With a struggle, he pried the door open, revealing what more resembled a small forest than a large room. There were trees rooted in the floorboards and ivy covering all four walls. Ferns, grasses, and fungi obscured the floor from sight. A small stone path led to the center of the room, which contained a garden of wildflowers, a hammock, and even of small stream, with no obvious source. Mac was an expert in horticulture, due to the fact that the race of humanoids that he had come from had lived in harmony with nature. Mac took an orange from a tree, thanked it, then went to his hammock and began to read. After a while, he drifted to sleep.

A few hours later, Serp was still hard at work in his lab. Machines in various states littered the floor and tables. At one of these many tables the cat stood, his welding goggles concealing his eyes. He was adding a few repairs to something he had discovered in secret during one of their scavenging trips. It was a small aluminium box with a large red button on one face. After inserting a newly made chip into another face, Serp pressed the button and quickly shielded his face. Much to his surprise, the cube did not attempt detonation this time, but rather emitted an orange, flickering holographic screen. At the top, in digital lettering, it read,”LINCOLN’S MAP OF THE UNIVERSES DISCOVERED.”

“L- Lincoln?” He was in utter shock. “The Lincoln? To think, I’ve discovered a map created by the renowned astronomer, Abraham!” Serp then began laughing ecstatically. He ran down the halls and out of the front door, never ceasing his laughing until he arrived at the ship. Dashing to the control deck, with his toolbox in one hand and map cube in the other, he began installing the latest attachment to his array of gadgets.

Wiping sweat from his brow, he stood back and admired his work. “They’ll be so excited when I tell them the news!” Serp declared. He flipped up a keyboard and mouse from the desk of flashing lights. Carefully, he studied the map, and dragged the pointer across it, until it arrived at a rather large cubic shape. He clicked here, then typed an “X” on the keyboard. Then he dragged it to a spirographical shape elsewhere on the map. he clicked here and typed a “B”. After pressing a power button on the keyboard, he exited the ship, eager to tell his friends of the news during waking hours. After a bit of walking, he arrived at his room once more, yawned, and curled up in a ball on his bed.

Sirens were blaring. In one room of the house, a rather short humanoid flipped off of his hammock and onto the floor in a rather comical style. In another, an audible thunk was heard under the lid of a freezer, followed by a groan. And in room number 111, a grey cat- man stood at a table, pressing a button labeled with a speaker. He finally let go of it and ran toward the kitchen, the meeting room for when the sirens blare. It was time.

As he was about to enter the kitchen, Aweegee flew into him, knocking the both of them to the floor. Aweegee began to apologize, but slowly, his words came to a halt as he noticed that his friend, who was normally quite angry, had a huge grin on his face. Aweegee’s face, on the other hand, portrayed only confusion. The two entered the kitchen, one on foot, the other hovering a foot above the ground, suspended by six rapidly moving ice crystals that resembled wings. Aweegee opened his mouth to speak, but Serp interrupted him. “Just wait a second. I’ll tell once Mac arrives,” he promised. Serp climbed to the top of the toaster mound, just as Mac arrived. He was fuming, which was uncommon for him.

“Can a guy not get a lick of sleep around here?”, he shouted, still rubbing his eyes. As he opened his eyes, his anger turned to confusion as well. Serp had never been seen grinning so widely.

“I suppose that you are both wondering why I’ve awakene--”

“Yes.” Mac interrupted.

Serp cleared his throat. “Well, alright. I have gathered you here to inform you of my latest achievement!” Both Aweegee and Mac rolled their eyes at this, but Serp just glared at them, then continued. “Quite some time ago, during one of our excursions, I picked up a bit of alien technology. It was a small metallic cube. Upon further examination, I had determined it to be a map. A map by none other than famous astronomer and space cartographer, Abraham Lincoln!” He paused here for effect. Aweegee still just seemed confused and Mac looked unimpressed. Serp sighed. “He was the greatest of all time and space.” Still, neither of his friends seemed to grasp the weight of the situation. “You two are so disappointing sometimes,” he stated. “Anyways,” he continued, “This map contains all of the universes explored and charted by Lincoln. We can used this to finally make it to Perizun. You both know what happens then, right?”

Mac dropped the apple he had started eating, along with his jaw. Aweegee’s large, pupiless eyes somehow seemed to widen. “You don’t mean…” Aweegee started. Mac finished for him. “We’re going to rescue the others?” he asked. “Yes,” Serp said. Mac began jumping around. Aweegee flew a bit too high and crashed into the ceiling. He stayed excited nonetheless.

The group split up, frantically running about the house. Aweegee was assigned to gather up as many weapons as he could find. Serp was to armour the ship better and do any repairs that were needed. Mac was left with the task of finding miscellaneous supplies for their daring mission, such as food and medical supplies. While food was scarce in the kitchen, room number 209 contained a stockpile of preserved food for just such a situation. There was a shopping cart in the corner, which he began loading with various pieces of meat and cans of food. Once the wagon was filled, he started towards the front door to load the ship, stopping at his room to harvest all of his trees. Mac would not eat meat, as a result of his communication with the animals it came from. After piling the wagon precariously with fruits, he kept on his path.

Aweegee ran past him, almost bumping into the cart. Weapons were his specialty. Minutes later, he arrived at room number 725. He kicked open the door, and immediately began loading various weapons into a tub sitting on a moving dolly. Before exiting, he gently removed a huge, green ax from its mount on the wall. Aweegee then produced a rope from one pocket, and attached it to two small loops on the ax, then slung it over his shoulder. Immediately returning to his madman pace of before, he sprinted through the halls to the front door.

Serp stood on the deck of the ship. Huge sheets of steel surrounded him, and a portion of the ship was already covered with the makeshift armour. He had a bag on his side, which contained a small welder. Serp pushed another sheet off deck, and a large robotic arm caught it, then secured it in place while Serp welded it on. Mac and Aweegee arrived simultaneously, both dumping supplies inside of the ship. It continued this way for the next 23 hours, two of them collecting random junk and the cat welding steel to a wooden boat.

Once they had awoken after a long needed rest, and after a quick breakfast, the trio boarded the ship, ready for the voyage to rescue their friends. Aweegee went to the front deck, because of his weaponry skills. Serp, of course, was in the control room. He was the ship’s true captain. Mac was at the back deck, manning even more weapons. The ship slowly began to rise, then jolted forward into the blue portal. A ship icon appeared on the map screen,right at the spot marked “B”.

None seemed to care that being out of The Pocket and back into an actual universe made it much easier to be located by the Astropolice, because the ship’s crew were sailing on high hopes and excitement.

Unfortunately for them, they were already spotted.

The crew found themselves in the skys of a very blue planet, with plenty of clouds. Some were rapidly changing colors, and a few even seemed to be displaying pictures. Aweegee and Mac easily became distracted by these, and began gazing at them, mesmerized. For a few hours, the ship floated along through these clouds, silently, until Serp began to notice something a bit off. The ship’s intercoms screeched on.

“Hey, what are you two doing?” asked the scratchy voice on them. There was no response. This was bad. They weren’t silent very often. Serp opened the window blinds, and noticed Aweegee laying on the deck, face skyward, grinning stupidly. That would’ve been very concerning for Serp, but he was far more concerned with the flying cars, flashing lights, and massive robots surrounding them.

“STOP THE VEHICLE AND COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP,” said one of them. Their voices were incredibly loud and piercing, almost as if they were somehow speaking with caps lock on. “IF YOU RESIST, YOU WILL BE TAKEN BY FORCE.”

This was bad. In fact, this was really bad. Nothing could compare to how bad this situation was. Serp had to think, and fast. He grabbed the map cube and ripped it from the console, emitting a copious amount of sparks.

Before he could do anything else, it was already too late. The ship shook and flew to the side, throwing Serp against the wall. The last thing he saw was Aweegee and Mac being carried away, oblivious to their situation.

He awoke, groaning, in a steel box, hearing only a ringing noise in both ears. Serp sat up, trying to regain his bearings and find out where he was. Suddenly, he remembered! The ship was attacked, Aweegee and Mac were taken, then… blackout. He must have been knocked unconscious. As the ringing died off a bit, some speech from behind him slowly became audible. He pressed an ear against the wall to hear it better.

“IRMATIVE…CRIMIN...APPREHENDED... ATMOSPHERE… UGGED…” Then it became too difficult to hear anything else. It seems that they had somehow drugged an entire atmosphere, incapacitating Aweegee and Mac! Also, judging by the forward motion of the entire room, it occurred to him that they weren’t yet at Perizun. Perhaps in some sort of vehicle, like an armoured van. There was a loud thunk at the other end of the container. Serp rushed over, and pressed his ear against that one.

“...Destroy you, wall!” There was another thunk, throwing Serp back a bit. He knew that voice anywhere. It was Aweegee! If Aweegee was directly behind him, it was safe to assume that behind Aweegee was Mac. This was more of a train than a van. Serp beat on the wall, then quickly pressed his ear against it.

“Huh?” exclaimed the wall. This was good.

“Hey! It’s Serp!” replied Serp, who then pressed his ear back against the wall.

“Really? I’m so glad that I’m not alone in this box!” Aweegee yelled.

“We need to forge a plan for escape!”

“Obviously, but what can we do?”

“We’ll have to break out at the prison! These walls aren’t going down! with anything we have!”

“Are you sure? I think that I was getting somewhere!”

“Yeah!”

“What do you suggest?”

“I think that Mac is behind your other wall! Talk to him, tell him that we’ll-- Oh no!”

Their captors had taken notice of Serp’s noise level, and entered his room through an unseen door. one immediately grabbed him, the other injecting a shot into his arm. His vision swayed, then he fell asleep again.

In the box adjacent to Serp, Aweegee had kept listening to the wall. He quickly caught on that making a lot of noise was prohibited, so he did not call out to his friend in need. Aweegee tried to think of an escape route, but to no avail. Suddenly, he realized something. If he were to sleep, then he could possibly regain enough strength to use his ice powers well! He then lay on the cold steel floor, and after a struggle, was able to sleep.

After a few days, the space train slowed to a stop. Three doors slid opened from the side, and 6 hulking robots entered through, each pair coming back out with a captive. Two of the prisoners struggled vigorously, but the one from the middle box was limp. The robots passed many gates of security, until finally arriving at a treacherous looking archway. Here, each pair went a separate way. The same two strugglers were screaming now.

After a while, each new inmate was placed in their own separate concrete rooms. The rooms seemed to be modeled after classic Earth jails, due to their spirit breaking atmospheres. Aweegee kept sleeping, as he had been for days. Serp was ravenously hissing and clawing through the bars. Mac simply sat down on the ground.

A rat began to scurry by the bars of Mac’s cage. Mac brought his hands to his forehead and began to focus on the rat.

“Hey, could you please help me out?” He asked the rat, through thought.

“Pfft, you? Why should I?” said the rat. Mac had forgotten that animals outside of his realm weren’t usually very cooperative.

“How about a trade?” Mac offered.

“What could ya possibly have that I’d want? Pocket lint ain’t gonna cut it, chump.”

“Meat. I can give you all of the meat from every meal I get, so long as you help me.” Mac was sure that this would work. In his experience, most animals had one track minds, when it came to food.

“Hmm,” the rat was thinking. “Alright. Ya got yerself a deal,” it said. “But no funny business or I’ll chew yer ears off in yer sleep. What is it thatcha want anyhow?” it asked. Mac thought of an image of all of his friends. “Ah, ya want these punks taken out, eh?” the rat replied.

“No, not at all!” Mac told. “I want you to find them, and tell them what’s going on. I need all of them to know that we’re here now, and that we’re to escape. If they need to say anything, please help them with that. Now hold still, I’m going to cast a spell that will let you speak to them.” The spell was completed, and the rat nodded, then scurried off again. Mac hoped that all would go well.

Aweegee woke up to hear whistling. Well, he thought that it was whistling, but it sounded awful, so it was pretty hard to tell. It almost reminded him of his friend Gum, who was horrible at it. In fact, it was just like his whistling.

“Hey! Who’s there?” Aweegee called out.

“Just another soul, trapped here forever,” said a familiar voice.

He knew the voice, and he knew the whistling. “I see that prison hasn’t improved your whistling, Gum!” Aweegee was smiling.

“What? Wait a minute, you’re not

“Aweegee Terrep, in the flesh.”

“Aweegee!” Gum began laughing. “It’s been so long! But, wait a minute, did they get the others too?”

“Yeah, all of us, and probably the ship, but don’t worry, we’re going to make it out!”

“How?” Gum asked. He sounded worried.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure that Serp has it under control. If he doesn’t, I know that we’ll figure it out.”

“Okay… If you say so, I guess.” Gum didn’t sound convinced

Across the prison, Serp most definitely did not have things under control. He was currently sitting in the corner, growling and hissing in frustration and rage. He had believed that everything would work out, as it always did. Instead, all of his plans had fallen apart. All that he had left were his goggles and the map cube.

“This is all your fault, Lincoln!” he screamed at it. He threw it in the corner, where it shot out sparks. A rat appeared at the bars, staring at Serp, seemingly judging him. Being a cat, and being furious, Serp quickly and easily decided to kill it. He began to stalk towards the bars when a scream caught him off guard. “What? Who’s there?” Serp said.

“Right here! The rat ya were about to eat!” said the rodent.

“I am so, so sorry,” Serp apologized. “I had no idea that you were…”

“Talking? I’m still living either way ya animal! Look, yer buddy with the pointy ears sent me to talk to ya. He says that we’re here and we gotta escape. Can I go now? Yer freaking me out.” The rat was sidling away.

“Actually, one second.” Serp said. He ran to the corner and grabbed the map cube. He told the rat, “I need you to take the to the no eyed guy with wings and tell him to freeze the inside of it. He’ll know why.”

“Alright, but it’ll cost ya,” began the rat. Serp showed his claws. The rat gulped. “Alright, ya got it,” he said.

“Thanks,” Serp replied, giving him the cube.

“Lousy cats, I ain’t coming back here again,”he muttered as he walked away, cube in tow.

“... And that’s how I made 6 robots lose their whole break shifts.” Gum laughed. Aweegee burst out in laughter. After he had finish laughing, he noticed a rat at his cell door. The rat had a metal cube.

“Hey there little guy, what do you have there?” Aweegee asked it. It surprised him by responding.

“Don’t give me that bullcrap,”it said. “Look here, one pointy eared guy sent me to you and some other crazy looking things, and that cat gave me this here cube to send to ya. He said to freeze it, you’ll know why. Anything that’cha wanna say before I run off again?”

“No, but thank you.” The rat rolled his beady little eyes at that, then ran off to the right. Aweegee thought that he heard the rat telling Gum something.

Aweegee stared at the cube. The rat had left it in the hall, instead of giving it to him. He stared harder. His eyes began to glow, until he had produced ice crystals from the cube’s sides. Aweegee sat down, tired from the exertion, but not exhausted this time. Suddenly, sparks began exploding from the cube’s sides. An orange map flickered a few times, then it exploded with a huge force, tearing through concrete and steel and throwing Aweegee into the wall. He picked himself up, then realized that he could escape! Walking over to the crater, he gazed downward. 9 robots returned the gaze, baffled. Aweegee wasted no time freezing them in blocks of ice. His energy was rocketing from adrenaline. He flew down and stole a ring of keys from the icey guards. Back up he flew, then down the hall as fast as he could. He stopped at Gum’s cell, unlocking it as his friend sputtered in confusion. “There’s no time to explain, grab on!” he exclaimed. Gum grabbed onto Aweegee’s leg and the two sped down the hall, hearing a cacophony of confused cries.

“At the end of this hall is Errow!” Gum shouted. Aweegee kept going forward, when he suddenly realized that guards were closing in. He heard prisoners rooting him on. An idea hit him. He unlocked the nearest cell, containing a brawny leprechaun.

“Unlock every cell you see,” he told the inmate. The huge creature nodded. In a matter of seconds, creatures of all kinds were battling a wave of robots, with no side’s victory obvious yet. In the corner of his eye, Aweegee noticed a thin robot slice two guards in half. Aweegee immediately recognized him as Errow. He pushed his way through, Gum holding on for dear life, until he met up with Errow. Errow smiled and then sliced apart another 4 guards.

Serp and Mac ran down a corridor full of terrifying creatures and open doors. Mac had a rat on his shoulder. They passed cell after empty cell, then passed one that still had something in it. Mac began to turn around, but Serp grabbed him.

“What are you doing?” he screamed.

“We need to turn back! I know it!”

“Why on any planet would we do that?”

“No man gets left behind!” and with that, Mac broke free with Serp tailing him. They got back to the cell, and on the bench was the last of their missing comrades. He was a creature made of shadows, except for his head, which looked like a glowing red gear. “Jony!” Serp yelled. His friend did not lift his head. Mac walked over to him, and Jony was suddenly standing and holding Mac up in the air by his shirt.

“It’s… me....Mac.” he choked out. Serp was running over. Jony then dropped him, realizing who these intruders were.

“Mac? Serp? I’m so glad to see you two!” He then hugged both of them.

“Listen, we need to get out of here as fast as possible,” Serp said, escaping the hug. “I’m ninety percent sure that Aweegee did this, and that the other three have met up and are searching for us.”

“Okay. Shall I speed up the wait?” Jony asked.

“Alright, sure,” Serp replied. Both Mac and Serp grabbed onto one of Jony’s hands, and watched as time itself sped up with the spinning of Jony’s gear. It began to slow back down to its original pace, reaching it as Aweegee, Errow, and Gum ran into the cell. The six of them began to rejoice, but were cut off by a voice over the speakers, saying that the facility would enter full lockdown in five minutes. The crowds in the halls stopped, then all began stampeding in the same direction. All six of them jumped into the crowd, grabbing each other to avoid being separated again. The wave of panic continued throughout the whole facility, and our six heros found themselves at the rear of the crowd. The speakers sounded again. Three minutes were left. They all began to sprint as fast as they could.

“TWO MINUTES.”

One more hallway left to traverse.

“ONE MINUTE.”

The door was in sight!

“THIRTY SECONDS.”

They were almost there!

“FIVE,”

“FOUR,”

“THREE,”

“TWO,”

“ONE.”

All six of them fell in a heap right outside the massive doorway, and behind them, all of the exits turned into solid steel, locking the rest of the would-be escapees inside. All around them, the inmates who actually escaped the prison were hopping into their ships and flying to safety. The crew of Constellation decided that they should join them.

In the sky, the crew was ready to return home.

"Serp! Let's jump already!" Errow called out.

"Alright," Serp called back, "jumping in three... two... woah!

Suddenly, the ship was struck by a laser. Mac looked back at the prison and saw that the other ships were being shot down by the Astropolice.

"Uh, guys? We've been followed!" Mac exclaimed.

"Crap! Battlestations, everyone!" Aweegee ordered.

Gum, Jony, and Mac began loading the auto-aimed cannons while Aweegee flew to the top of the mainmast and began shouting out where to shoot. Errow ran down to the engine room to assist Serp.

"Serp, why haven't we jumped yet?" Errow asked as he slid into the engine room.

He came to a sudden stop as he took in the scene in front of him. Serp lay unconscious near the control panel, a wound on his head bleeding. The blood was staining his grey fur red. On the other side of the room, a fire was roaring, filling the room with smoke.

"Not good!" Errow pointed out the obvious. He ran over to the control panel and turned on the fire sprinklers. Once the fire was out, Errow knelt beside the charred wires and blackened circuits.

"This is a mess. I have to fix this," Errow whispered to himself.

As Errow mourned over the damaged hardware, Aweegee called over the intercom, "What's going on down there? Are we ready to jump?"

Errow had forgotten about that. Nothing that affects the jump should be damaged, so jumping should be as easy as pressing a button. So business as usual.

Meanwhile, the Astropolice were ganging up to take down Constellation. There were too many of them to handle. Aweegee realized that he had to do something. Thus, he set his stance, held up his hands, and focused.

As Jony looked back up at Aweegee for orders, he realized that Aweegee was using his ice magic. His eyes were glowing and he was floating slightly. Jony followed his gaze and saw icicles growing on the ships of the Astropolice. They continued growing until the Astropolice fell out of the sky due to loss of momentum.

Jony turned back to Aweegee to celebrate but was stopped when he realized that using tiny amounts of ice magic knocks Aweegee out for hours. Thanks to this, Aweegee is virtually going to be in a coma.

As if on cue, Aweegee fell out of the crow's nest. Jony slowed down time and ran to the bottom of the mast. Returning to the normal flow of time, Jony let Aweegee's limp body fall into his arms.

"Are we ready to jump yet?" Jony called into the engine room.

"Jumping!" Errow replied.

Finally, the jump was initiated, and Constellation and her crew were back in The Pocket. As soon as they entered, however, the ship sputtered to a stop. The ship was out of use for now.

* * *

"Welp, Serp and Aweegee are in the MediRoom. They're... recovering." Mac told the other three after tending to the injured or comatose.

Gum looked up. "When do you think they'll be fully healed?"

Mac sighed, "I don't know. I can't tell much about Serp's condition 'cause of his robo-brain, and Aweegee... well, you all know as much as I do about his powers, so..."

"'Kay. Thanks," Gum replied.

"What do we do until they wake up?" Jony asked.

"I guess we just lay low until we need to go out, and I'll do what I can do."

"Lay low. That's not too hard," Jony attempted to make light of the situation.

Mac sat on the sofa, contemplating what had happened that day. Suddenly, he got back up and looked around.

"What is it, Mac?" Gum asked.

Mac began to leave the room, still searching for something. He called over his back, "Where is Errow?!"

Mac, Gum, and Jony searched the entire house for Errow, but they couldn't find him. Of course, that was because he had already left.

To be continued in...

The Metal Men

On a spaceship flying through a long-forgotten universe, a robot sits in a prison cell, waiting patiently for the ship to reach its destination

Errow, the robot in question, has a grey chassis and thin gangly limbs that look like small steel beams with joints in the middle. What might be called his “hair” is really just a few metal blades protruding from his head. His most notable facial feature is his eye, a round circle of glass upon his face. Behind this glass shines a purple light: his optical sensor, sending the visual information to his “brain,” where it is processed and analyzed.

As mentioned previously, Errow is sitting in a prison cell. This is not a problem for him. Firstly, he’s been in many an inescapable prison before, and this is the first to underestimate him. Secondly, he was purposefully captured. He is attempting to be taken to this ship’s planet of origin, because it is said to hold riches which know no bounds. Errow, however, doesn’t buy into all of that crap. He’s going to this planet because it may have some parts necessary to repair Constellation, the crew of which Errow is a part of.

As Errow rests in the cold metal cell, he sighs. Being a robot is still a… sensation? Experience? Whatever. Being a robot is still a thing that he is not used to. He used to think that he would get accustomed to it, but now he’s not so sure. It’s been a while - there’s no way to keep track while constantly hopping universes - and the feeling of being a robot is still foreign. He longs to once again feel his heart beating in his chest, or lungs filling his ribs. Serp keeps shrugging his worries off, saying, “It’ll feel normal eventually,” and Errow doesn’t really appreciate his apathy. Then again, maybe this is just some sort of sick twist of fate, punishing him for his apathy.

The opening of the door on the other side of the room interrupts Errow’s thoughts. One of the guards of the prison area, from a species that can easily manipulate and “commune” with certain metals, has come, presumably, to talk.

The society of metal people makes little sense to Errow. How can they have technology sufficient to travel through space in a time efficient manner, yet still use completely metal armor? They never seem to take it off, either.

Stepping up to Errow’s cell, the guard looks down to the robot in the cage. It lifts up its hand and tenses it, just others had done while attempting to catch Errow. After a few seconds, it tenses its hand even harder, and the metal cell around Errow begins to bend and crunch. Eventually, the guard releases its grip on the metal, and, finally, begins to speak.

“Not even I can manipulate you, cyborg scum,” it rasps, with a voice that sounds like metal scraping together.

“I still don’t get why you call me cyborg scum,” Errow replies, “By the sound of your voice, you are a cyborg too, right?”

The guard laughed with a laugh akin to a hammer and anvil. “You foolish cyborg. You still do not understand our species, do you? You do not deserve to wear the metal you are contained within.”

“Whatever you say,” Errow laughs. “So, did you come in here just to insult me or what?”

“That was one of the reasons, yes, but I was ordered to bring you to the captain,” the metal magician replies.

“Oh, sounds like fun.” Errow internally grins, wishing he could grin on the outside. Meeting the captain of the ship was something that Errow didn’t think he would get to do before arriving at the planet, but he guesses this mission is going to be more fun than he initially thought.

The guard unlocks and opens the door to the cell, and Errow lets the guard escort him to the ship’s piloting deck.

On the way to the piloting deck, Errow and the guard pass quite a few rooms that Errow thinks may be useful later: an armor room, a weapons room, and the core maintenance room. Errow begins creating a map of the ship in his CPU brain so that he can come back to these rooms in the future, if need be.

Eventually, they reach the piloting deck. It is an expansive room with multiple holographic screens, being monitored by three to four metal crew members each. The captain stands at the far end of the room with its back towards the entrance, watching the expanse of space whizz by through the large pane of glass.

As the guard escorts Errow into the room, the captain turns to face him. For the captain of a ship full of semi-intimidating metal people, the captain is not intimidating at all. He is short and thin compared to the other metal crew, only about five feet tall compared to the guard’s height of slightly over seven feet. What made the captain qualified to have a higher rank than anyone else on the ship, Errow had no idea.

Errow speaks first: “So, you’re the captain of this ship, huh? Not much to look at. The captain of my ship is more intimidating than you.”

The captain inspects him thoroughly, as if looking for an external weakness. Errow knows it won’t find one.

Finally, the captain speaks in the grinding metal voice of his people. “You seem rather cocky for one who has gotten themselves captured. We’ll have to fix that.”

“Oh, and how are you going to do that?” Errow asks, intrigued. “You can’t control me, you know.”

The captain is already beginning to become irritated by Errow’s antics. How dare this sorry excuse for a metal-wearer get himself captured and act this way towards the one who orchestrated his capture? No matter. It won’t last long.

“You will see, once the time has come,” the captain answers.

“And when will that be? I’m excited,” Errow continues to layer his sarcasm into his speech, hoping to get a reaction from the captain.

The captain takes a shaky, metal breath, steps right up to Errow, looks him straight in the eye, and says, “You will soon learn that your attitude will not get you anywhere while you’re here.”

Errow is slightly taken aback. He hadn’t expected the captain to attempt to intimidate him, especially since he is a foot taller than it. This wasn’t going to affect Errow’s cockyness, however.

“Heh, whatever you say, shorty.”

Errow goes for a low blow, and it obviously works. The captain growls and punches Errow in the chest.

The captain has definitely seen its fair share of fist fights; the blow is well aimed and does the damage intended. Sparks fly as the metal grinds against metal. As Errow recoils from the unexpected metal projectile, the captain turns away and orders, “Take him to the Waiting Room.”

Still recovering from the captain’s punch, Errow splutters, “Wow. How - ack - ominous.”

* * *

In the Waiting Room, Errow begins to wonder what the captain means by his threats. None of them can bend his metal, so they can’t make him submit that way. The only other way Errow can think of is torture. Luckily for Errow, he cannot be affected by most torture methods.

After a few hours, the door to the Waiting Room opens again, and a guard walks in with someone else behind them. Errow assumes this is the person who will be attempting to perform the torture.

“Prisoner, the false metal that you wear will soon be ours to control,” the guard says. “You will finally bow to us as the Lords of Metal.”

Errow laughs. “Is that what you want? Fine then. Go ahead and try whatever it is you’re going to do.”

The guard calls the other figure forward. He is the tallest, most muscular metal man that Errow has yet seen. Errow had thought that the person whose job it is to torture people would have a scrawnier build, seeing as they wouldn’t need to physically exert themselves very much. He guesses, however, that the norms might be different in this society of metal controlling freaks.

“This,” the guard explains to Errow, “is the most powerful metal bender of our race. He has bent the cores of planets. You will be nothing to him.”

“Bring it on, then,” Errow replies. “He still won’t be able to--”

Suddenly, Errow feels his limbs moving on their own. They begin moving and contorting in ways that Errow hadn’t thought possible, probably because of the extreme pain that they would cause if he had attempted them.

Errow screams out in agony, dropping to his knees. He is soon back up, however, as his legs lift him back onto his feet.

“Silence!” yells the metal bender. Errow’s screaming suddenly stops.

“Good,” the guard says from the corner of the room. “Now he is ours. He will be a good asset in the army.”

In his head, Errow is frantically trying to get out of the control of the metal men. He runs countless calculations, but none of the universes he has been to have had anything similar to this. There is no documentation on the way that this metal control works, no equations or variables. Errow can’t use math to get out of this one. There seems to be no way out.

If only Errow hadn’t rushed out without warning anyone else about where he was going and why.

* * *

Back in The Pocket, the remainder of the uninjured crew are attempting to locate Errow. They figure that the answer to where he has gone is in either his room or Serp’s room.

Gum and Mac are searching Errow’s room.

“Have you found anything yet?” Mac calls out from inside one of the many closets/tool sheds.

“Nope, nothing but miscellaneous tubes, screws, wires, and wheels,” Gum replies.

“There has to be something that indicates where he was going. He wouldn’t just hop to a random universe for no reason,” Mac sighs.

“Especially since he had to leave the hard way,” Gum points out.

“You’re right.”

The two of them look around the room for a second. After a minute or so, Gum notices something.

“Why would he have a poster of a nature documentary, much less one that big?” Gum asks.

The poster he is referring to is a poster depicting a nature documentary from twenty-first century Earth. It shows a full shot of the planet on a blue background.

“You have a good point,” Mac says, “He must be hiding something behind it!”

The two of them begin to pull back the poster. They reveal a tack board with a multitude of papers, all connected with strings attached to thumbtacks.

“What is all this about?” Gum asks aloud.

Mac inspects one of the papers. “It looks like it has something to do with materials that are really hard to find but very good for repairing things…”

“Why would he want that?” Gum wonders.

The two of them slowly turn towards each other and yell out the same word: “Constellation!”

Meanwhile, Jony is searching Serp’s room; however, he’s not making any progress. There are so many tiny machines in here that anything could be a tracker. Searching this whole place could take hours!

Wait a second…

Jony decides to slow down time to make the search (technically) faster. It won’t help him find anything faster, but the others won’t be held up by him.

After a couple hours (for Jony), he finally finds what he’s looking for: a tracker that displays the location of Errow! Jony wonders why Serp made this; maybe he had worried about Errow betraying them, or perhaps he had even predicted that something like this would occur. Whatever the reason, it will be used for a good cause.

Jony returns the flow of time back to its previous rate of one second per second and emerges from Serp’s room. At the same time, Mac and Gum are walking down the hallway towards Jony.

“We figured out why Errow left!” Gum shouts to Jony.

Jony smiles and replies, “Well I got the tracker!”

“Great!” Mac joins in. “Let’s go find Errow.”

“Woohoo!” they all chorus. They walk out to the Constellation and climb aboard, ignoring the damage. Their celebration stops, however, when they realize that none of them know how to pilot the ship.

“Soooo… now what?” Gum asks.

“We need someone to pilot. Who’s the best pilot here?” Jony inquires.

Mac and Gum turn to look at him.

Jony is confused. “Why are you looking at me? What?”

The humanoids continue staring at the Gearhead.

Suddenly, Jony realizes. “Oooooooh…”

* * *

Jony is way in over his head.

“I don’t think we’re supposed to be going this fast!” Mac shouts over the sound of the overworked engines.

“The controls aren’t as intuitive as you would think, our pilot being a cat and all,” Jony broadcasts over the intercom.

“Well, as long as we don’t run into anything, we’ll be fine,” Gum reassures Mac.

Suddenly, Jony smashes the Constellation into someone else’s ship.

The sounds of metal crumbling and wood splintering collide to form the worst sound that has ever been made. Thanks to the emptiness of space, no one other than the few who are on those ships hear it.

As the smoke clears and the crew of the Constellation pick themselves up, they find themselves face to face with two metal behemoths.

“What are we supposed to do against them?” Gum whispers, “We’re not exactly the most capable of our group.”

Jony focused his gaze on the opponents ahead. “We can do our best.”

Mac decides to heed Jony’s advice by straining his abilities. As the metal men advance, Mac begins muttering to the wood. While this happens, Gum runs at one of the alloyed monsters, wielding nothing but his fists.

With a thunk, a crack, and a yelp, one of Gum’s fists makes a connection, breaking his hand. He is then stepped on as the metal being he punch continues his advance upon the Constellation. With another crack, Gum’s ribs are broken.

Jony does the temporally and tactically logical thing and slows down time. Having to come up with a plan in such a short amount of time is not optimal.

After some thinking, Jony finally decides that he will have to go with his only option. With the flow of time still slowed, Jony picks up Gum’s damaged body.

“Sorry about this,” Jony says to Gum, even though he knows that it will be too fast for him to hear.

Jony winds up, and finally throws Gum flying towards the back of the metal man who stepped on Gum. After this, Jony returns the flow of time back to its normal state.

As Gum flies into the back of his unsuspecting victim, causing a snapping noise with unknown origin, he knocks the animated set of metal armor off of its feet.

Once the sudden attack of Gum had finished, sending the metal alien falling on his face, Mac finished his talk with the wood. It reanimated, rejuvenating itself to help Mac. It grabs on to the fallen metal, keeping it stuck to the floor. The other opponent has its feet stuck to the floor.

“Now’s our chance! Let’s go!” Mac shouts to the others.

After thanking the wood once again, Mac follows the other two into the metal ship.

Inside the ship, the exiles hear footsteps walking towards them. At the end of the hallway, Errow, flanked by two of his captors, comes into view.

“Errow!” Jony cried. Errow remained unresponsive.

“Errow, buddy, what’s going on?” Mac inquires as Errow reaches the group.

As one of the metal men behind him twitches his arm, Errow grabs Mac’s neck and pushes him against the wall.

“Wh… why…?” Mac manages to splutter. Errow continues to stare.

Jony and Gum attempt to pull Errow off of Mac, but Errow brushes them off. Once Mac passes out, Errow finally lets go of him and turns to Gum. Before he can do anything, however, Jony is suddenly between the two of them.

“Errow, what are you doing?! This isn’t you!” Jony scolds, “What have they done to you?”

Behind Jony, Gum noticed something. “What is that on his face? Are those… tears?”

From the breach in the ship’s hull, a voice replies: “No. He can’t cry.”

Everyone but Errow turns to see who had spoken. Gum is the first one to fully process what is happening.

“Serp!” Gum bellows. The one word portrays a plethora of emotions, from shock to relief. “How did you get here?”

Serp grins and stumbles further into the ship, pulling Aweegee’s limp body behind him. “Did you guys really think that you could pilot this doofus’s ship that badly without me noticing?”

Both of Errow’s captors were outraged. The one with the twitchy arm shouted, “What is the meaning of this?!”

“Now hold on,” Serp interrupts, “you all may be wondering why he would be crying if he physically can’t. Well, it’s probably the fact that the coolant that he has as a kind of blood is heating up, and thus expanding. The thing is, his body is beautifully crafted, and thus only has one seam: his eye.

“Complimenting yourself, huh?” Gum mutters.

Serp continues, “So, the only place the expanding coolant can leak out of is his eye.”

“DESTROY TH-,” the metal man begins before being interrupted once again.

“But why would he be heating up?” Jony asks.

“Well, it’s usually because he is straining himself or something similar,” Serp answers. He looks into Errow’s leaking eye. “Am I right?”

“ENOUGH!” the metal behemoth finally gets out. “This will not stand on this ship. You will be destroyed!”

“Actually,” Serp snaps back, “I think we’ll be blowing this popsicle stand right about now.”

Mac’s unconscious body twitches at the pun.

As if on a signal, Errow’s hull begins heating up and turning orange. Serp tosses Aweegee back onto the Constellation, into safety. Jony slows time and moves Mac, Gum, and Serp to the sailboat.

After a moment of suspense, the metal spacecraft is engulfed in flames, blasting the Constellation into space.

“What kind of reactor did you have in him?” Jony asks, incredulous at the explosion.

“One that wasn’t powerful enough,” Serp replies.

“So is that it? Is he gone?” Gum wonders solemnly.

“Nope. He transferred to me. Safe in here,” Serp taps his head. “It’ll probably give me plenty of metal scarring, but it won’t be anything new. I hope.”

“Okay, but he was trying to get materials to repair this ship. What do we do about those?” Gum says.

“Guess we’ll have to wait,” Jony replies absentmindedly.

The three of them continue to stare into the smoldering remains of the metal spaceship before returning to The Pocket in silence.